Looking back thru time I actually found my answer. It actually went back to primary school when I was at the age of 9 or 10 years old. I remembered going to one of my cousins' wedding in Kuala Lumpur. She got married to an American lecturer who was posted to Malaysia. After their marriage, she went to USA to follow her husband.
Somehow I did not like the idea of marrying a foreigner and leaving home. So I vowed never to fall in love with a foreigner. I was being young and had ridiculous ideas. After that I forgot about the whole thing.
When I was sent to USA to further my studies, I really didn't assimilate into the local culture. I was afraid that I might lose my identity and get into trouble. So I did not have many Amerian friends. I stayed in safe boundries and did not have the courage to mix with other cultures. At the young age of 18, being far away from home and easily influence, that seems to be the safest thing to do.
After completing my degree, I worked for Motorola which is an American company. The head office was in Phoenix, Arizona. During that time Motorola was very strong and have presence in several countries including three factories in Malaysia. The first time when I met Gap was in Malaysia when he was attending a meeting at one of the factories. It was actually my first week at the Information Systems (IS) department. I was new then and thus I was not introduce to the visitors that came for the meeting.
One day as I was entering the IS dept, I saw Gap with a lady. They looked beautiful together. And so I told myself that I want a boyfriend just like Gap. At that time I did not know who Gap was. In a way, God had granted me my wish! Just that I did not realize it.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Falling in Love for the first time - Part II
Then came Monday the second week of the training. When we arrived at the office, Gap was already there. There was Mandy, one of the home team seniors. I was surprised when Gap took my hand and pulled me towards his work place. He wanted to show me and Jane something on his computer. I can't remember what it was. When Mandy saw Gap holding my hand she was saying something in Tagalog. It sounded like a warning. I too was surprised at what he did. Maybe it was a natural thing for him. I try not to think too much about the incident. But at the same time I was questioning my feelings for him. I just couldn't understand myself.
A few days later there was a movie on Beauty and the Beast. Jane and I wanted to see the movie. And so we asked Gap if he would bring us after work. We went to one of the malls by bus. Just the three of us. Jane sat in the middle. Later we went to a mini zoo. One of the guys from the home team joined us there. On our way to dinner we met up with the rest of the visiting team and we had dinner together.
There was quite a few activities during the second week. We visited the Mega Mall. There Gap bought a keychain for Jane and me. He seems to concentrate his attention on the two of us. It was cute of him. Then came Friday and they decided to take us to the disco or the dancing place with life music. Gap had fun dancing with Jane. I was just looking and enjoying the music. It was quite cold there so I managed to borrow Victor leather jacket. It was kind of him. We walked back to the hotel. Saturday was a working day. Since my flight was later in the afternoon, I went to the office with my luggage. Saying goodbye was sad for me. I didn't know if I will ever meet them again. The hardest part was parting with Gap. My heart was aching and I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was questioning myself 'Why'. Why was I falling for him? Of course he was attractive, intelligent and fun to be with.
I doubt that he would fall in love with me. I am 5 years older and I wear a headscarf . What would he see in me? Jane would be more compatible with him. I must be joking! Gap falling for me? Huh that would be the end of the world. But yet deep down I was hoping.
A few days later there was a movie on Beauty and the Beast. Jane and I wanted to see the movie. And so we asked Gap if he would bring us after work. We went to one of the malls by bus. Just the three of us. Jane sat in the middle. Later we went to a mini zoo. One of the guys from the home team joined us there. On our way to dinner we met up with the rest of the visiting team and we had dinner together.
There was quite a few activities during the second week. We visited the Mega Mall. There Gap bought a keychain for Jane and me. He seems to concentrate his attention on the two of us. It was cute of him. Then came Friday and they decided to take us to the disco or the dancing place with life music. Gap had fun dancing with Jane. I was just looking and enjoying the music. It was quite cold there so I managed to borrow Victor leather jacket. It was kind of him. We walked back to the hotel. Saturday was a working day. Since my flight was later in the afternoon, I went to the office with my luggage. Saying goodbye was sad for me. I didn't know if I will ever meet them again. The hardest part was parting with Gap. My heart was aching and I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was questioning myself 'Why'. Why was I falling for him? Of course he was attractive, intelligent and fun to be with.
I doubt that he would fall in love with me. I am 5 years older and I wear a headscarf . What would he see in me? Jane would be more compatible with him. I must be joking! Gap falling for me? Huh that would be the end of the world. But yet deep down I was hoping.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Falling In Love for the first time
I didn't really know what love means until I was 28 years old. Thats really old isn't it. I know some people fall in love when they were in high school or university. But for me it came quite late. Maybe because I was hard to approach. There were boyfriends but none of them lasted long enough or managed to secure my heart.
My first true love was unexpected in many ways. It happened when I was send by my company for two weeks training overseas. There were representative from several countries - Mexico, USA, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Korea, Phillipines and Malaysia. From the whole group there were only two ladies. Let me name the other lady as Jane. It was my first trip to the country. The team that organized the training was very friendly and helpful. There was one guy that stands out from the rest. Let me name him GaP. I have actually met him before in Malaysia. But at that time we were not introduced. I was surprised when I met him there. He was considered one of the seniors.
The first week went well. The visiting team had fun together shopping and finding places to eat for dinner. Since lunch was provided at the office, the visiting and home team would sit down together for a chat. It was a fun session. Language was not a problem since all of us speak English. Then came the weekend and we had an outing session. We went out in three cars. One of them was Gap. I went with Gap, Jane and two other guys (Kim from Korea and Victor from Mexico). The plan was to visit the tourist attraction center which provides local handicrafts. Then we would go outskirts of the city. We were in good hands so we just followed.
Before going to the local tourist attraction, Gap actually drop by his home. Gap has several sisters and brothers. Looking at his family photo they were very good looking. Victor asked me if I preferred one of Gap brothers. I told him that I would still chose Gap over the rest. Why did I say that! Had I unconsciously like him?
So when we were travelling to the outskirts of the city we went to this retreat that has a swimming pool and climb a really high tower to see the scenery of the city from afar. Jane and Gap decided to take a dip in the pool. I had the most akward feeling of seeing them together. I just don't know why. Of course Jane is a beautiful lady. She is very smart, attractive and fun to be with. Compared to me. I am considered very quiet, perhaps boring and not at all photogenic. And I am also much older than Gap. It would be the most natural thing to choose Jane over me wouldn't it? So I faced my back to them and asked Kim and Victor to sing songs in their traditional language. Kim really knows how to sing. I really enjoyed the singing eventhough I don't understand the language.
After they finished swimming, Gap asked me a really weird question- 'Where will you be?' 'Why here of course' was my answer. Where else would I go while they were changing clothes? Anyway he is the driver. I have to wait for him eventhough my heart is aching. Afterwards we all went for dinner and then back to the hotel. When we reached the hotel, Gap send me off to my room. He did not send Jane, Victor or Kim to their rooms. So I said goodnight, goodbye and thank you before shutting the door on his face. What else was I supposed to do?
That Sunday seems to be the longest time of my life. I was falling apart. I couldn't sleep. I was just thinking about Gap. Seriously I never felt this way about a guy before. It was crazy.
My first true love was unexpected in many ways. It happened when I was send by my company for two weeks training overseas. There were representative from several countries - Mexico, USA, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Korea, Phillipines and Malaysia. From the whole group there were only two ladies. Let me name the other lady as Jane. It was my first trip to the country. The team that organized the training was very friendly and helpful. There was one guy that stands out from the rest. Let me name him GaP. I have actually met him before in Malaysia. But at that time we were not introduced. I was surprised when I met him there. He was considered one of the seniors.
The first week went well. The visiting team had fun together shopping and finding places to eat for dinner. Since lunch was provided at the office, the visiting and home team would sit down together for a chat. It was a fun session. Language was not a problem since all of us speak English. Then came the weekend and we had an outing session. We went out in three cars. One of them was Gap. I went with Gap, Jane and two other guys (Kim from Korea and Victor from Mexico). The plan was to visit the tourist attraction center which provides local handicrafts. Then we would go outskirts of the city. We were in good hands so we just followed.
Before going to the local tourist attraction, Gap actually drop by his home. Gap has several sisters and brothers. Looking at his family photo they were very good looking. Victor asked me if I preferred one of Gap brothers. I told him that I would still chose Gap over the rest. Why did I say that! Had I unconsciously like him?
So when we were travelling to the outskirts of the city we went to this retreat that has a swimming pool and climb a really high tower to see the scenery of the city from afar. Jane and Gap decided to take a dip in the pool. I had the most akward feeling of seeing them together. I just don't know why. Of course Jane is a beautiful lady. She is very smart, attractive and fun to be with. Compared to me. I am considered very quiet, perhaps boring and not at all photogenic. And I am also much older than Gap. It would be the most natural thing to choose Jane over me wouldn't it? So I faced my back to them and asked Kim and Victor to sing songs in their traditional language. Kim really knows how to sing. I really enjoyed the singing eventhough I don't understand the language.
After they finished swimming, Gap asked me a really weird question- 'Where will you be?' 'Why here of course' was my answer. Where else would I go while they were changing clothes? Anyway he is the driver. I have to wait for him eventhough my heart is aching. Afterwards we all went for dinner and then back to the hotel. When we reached the hotel, Gap send me off to my room. He did not send Jane, Victor or Kim to their rooms. So I said goodnight, goodbye and thank you before shutting the door on his face. What else was I supposed to do?
That Sunday seems to be the longest time of my life. I was falling apart. I couldn't sleep. I was just thinking about Gap. Seriously I never felt this way about a guy before. It was crazy.
Preface
I was thinking about what to write. I was thinking about my role as a teacher. And I remembered a few months ago while calling a friend. She told me that I should write about my life experience. I asked her who would read my book? I told her that I am not famous, wealthy or well known. I guess you do not have to be all that to write a book.
Today I was going thru the late Yasmin Ahmad videos. Her work was based on feelings not thoughts. I am sure not everyone will enjoy what I am going to write about, but if it can touches a few hearts then I guess it will be worthwhile.
I have always wondered or qestioned what should I write about? Whenever I meet someone new, most of them will ask me if I am a teacher. Even my aura photography mention my role as a teacher. I am so clueless. What can I teach? Definitely not computer science. So when I finally I think 'got the message', I am going to write my life experience teaching others about moving thru life. Will it work? I don't really know. Maybe they will learn something and avoid the same mistakes that I did. I leave that to God who is the most Beneficient, the most Understanding. I just have to start somewhere....
Today I was going thru the late Yasmin Ahmad videos. Her work was based on feelings not thoughts. I am sure not everyone will enjoy what I am going to write about, but if it can touches a few hearts then I guess it will be worthwhile.
I have always wondered or qestioned what should I write about? Whenever I meet someone new, most of them will ask me if I am a teacher. Even my aura photography mention my role as a teacher. I am so clueless. What can I teach? Definitely not computer science. So when I finally I think 'got the message', I am going to write my life experience teaching others about moving thru life. Will it work? I don't really know. Maybe they will learn something and avoid the same mistakes that I did. I leave that to God who is the most Beneficient, the most Understanding. I just have to start somewhere....
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